Words

Play Me

I live near this field.

And near this field, my boy gets into the sticker patch. {Repeatedly.}

They attach everywhere and are hard to remove without breaking into smaller, equally itchy/irritating pieces.

I've been thinking. 

Our words are a lot like these stickers.

And we have the choice to make them sweet, or dig them in like barbs. Either way, they stick.

Each thought leaves a trail of stardust from your heart to your mouth, and I can't get your words out of my head.

Father, help me to change. {To forget. To forgive. To let You reign over my speech.} 

Blip # 3

I think we've been given bad advice.

"Follow your heart."

How can we adopt this 'truth' {especially in an empowered, self-driven culture} when God's Word, in direct opposition, gently spills Light all over it (over everything):

"The heart is deceitful above all things and beyond cure. Who can understand it?"

Jeremiah 17:9 

The short answer is, we can't, and I believe time is short for the Christian who continues to try to attach contradictory badges of 'truth' and labels to himself (whether consciously or by sitting idle) while the Gospel fades and slips underwater in the process. Following Jesus, by default, means we will have to make the choice (many choices in fact) to deny ourselves, to reject truth that sounds right in exchange for God's life-giving, unchanging Truth. And if we're being honest... that is a sacrifice.

It amazes (and scares) me how often following our hearts simply leads ... to harm. 

And we walk right into it, like a grave - blinded by pretty words and shafts of temporary light.

{A call now to - more than ever with truth so relative and hard to find - stay informed and awake.}

"The thief comes only to steal and kill and destroy; I have come that they may have life, and have it to the full."

John 10:10

But You, God.

Maybe it's not okay anymore, as a Christian, to say 'I'm burned out', 'I can't do this anymore', 'I'm tired'; 'this is not my job.' - to continue in this line of thinking. To say, 'I can't go back there, Lord - to that same place, that same group, the same cycle of sin.'

I get irritated with myself, and this lack of faith, like - do I really believe nothing is impossible for You?

Do I really believe that You do new things? That there is new mercy for me here? I'm asking the One Who breathes LIFE, Who makes dead things alive... dry bones, ashes & phoenix-type stuff, the One Who couples brokenness w/ beauty, weakness w/ strength... Who resurrects the dead - even the dead in me? Who are You, and what can You do? Remind me again, because my attitude needs a 180*.

The truth is, I am tired... but You never sleep!
I do get burned out, but You never stop burning. A flame in the dark, You never stop creating, never stop imagining, but at the same time never change; You never stop breathing fresh vision into Your leaders & people, if we would just stop to listen.

'I can't', but You can.

'I won't go back there', because You're already walking in ahead of me, guiding & protecting me, a fierce, bright Light.

Blip #2 Perspective

It hit me today; I don't really know why, but for all of the talk and supposed doom & heartlessness of our time, I think there is more good to witness and as a result *believe*, if we could just flip the lens we've been staring through blankly.

For every mundane or painful moment I've experienced, or for however many more of ours collected together and added up, I see equal parts (if not more) joy-filled, beautiful, more full of love - the component we've all been feeling is missing, angrily heralding for more of - it's here.

It's good to hold newborns, to see (and hear) just how quietly snow falls - to witness strangers helping each other in parking lots, curious connections turning into full-blown camaraderie - and spouses falling back in love with each other after what I imagine must have felt like an eternity.

I don't know. But on a day like today, I can smile to myself, pull my coat in just a bit tighter, and continue to stare out through a kaleidoscope.

Blip # 1: Forgiveness

Have you ever caught yourself, when wronged or offended, saying "oh yeah, I remember the time they             ", or "I'll never forget the time she said             ", holding on to them like pieces of ammo (justification), making judgements out of moments, marring not only someone's character but a chance at understanding/forgiveness? Repentance. Reconciliation.

I think if we're honest, we've all done this.

One of my resolutions for the new year is to be a duck (let it rooolll off your back). In order to do this, to wade through bitter waters on the way to brighter shores, we have to let these offenses go - lift the noose from our perpetrator's neck since our own was cut down long ago.

Cut it Off

In Matthew 5, Jesus tells us (para) that if our eye or hand causes us to sin, it would be better to cut it off than to condemn the entire body to Hell. (Dang.)

Can you imagine how painful ... to intentionally sever yourself, to * cut off* what is causing our bodies sickness (and our God grief) for our eventual spiritual good?

I can.

It is painful. The illustration He uses is meant to convey the self-sacrifice & pain it requires to follow Him, and to resist sin (specifically surrounding adultery in this passage).

It has taken me a long time to finally 'get' that some friendships are simply not profitable.

If they don't lead you back to Jesus, and if the entirety of the situation is not bringing God the honor and glory He's due ... it is not profitable. Even if they are *godly* - it is not profitable.

So what choice is there? I don't think God ever desires severed relationship... but He also requires holiness.

Whatever it is that is causing our feet to stumble, our minds to slip, our eyes or hearts to sin - must be cut away.

Cut it off.

Then, heal.

Forgive.

We must choose to continue down Lit paths, in persistent brotherly Love (though perhaps a little more guarded, & with notable, marked distance).

In the Interim

Even When It Hurts (Praise Song) - Hillsong United

I'm not Ann Voskamp.

My blog is not interlaced with beautiful shots of Canadian farmland, 'the hard things', 'the farmer's hands', or the ethereal language and grace that God has so evidently and supernaturally grafted into her. No. My keyboard is more attuned to the interlacing of pumpkin spice cake crumbs with key cracks (which some would argue is beautiful) ... it's all true, though. I'm white, it's October, I admire Ann, and apparently you need to know that these kinds of things are happening in the world.

Along comparison-drawing, you also need to know that even now, the people-pleasing shadow that once followed around a corpse, still sneaks up behind me whispering all kinds of evil: 'who do you think you are? Who gave you the authority (or the assignment) to do any of this?', and I have to squeeze my eyes and believe my God, and shut that shadow down - not unlike Gideon who shook before men even though he was already Named 'warrior'.

Anyways. The point of this post is to perhaps re-direct our focus to God during times of uncertainty. Are you waiting on God, and I'll push you: what are you doing in the waiting?

Do we treat the 'waiting' as something to be endured, to grind our teeth and 'just get through it' in order to truly arrive at the next thing - the thing we were really after? Friend, I'll ask: what if the 'waiting' is the point?

Do we faint or lose heart when God's direction is not clearly spelled in the sand, or proclaimed from the skies? Will we wait well, or second-guess Him, or simply (more easily) slip into a vegetative state from a lack of perceived 'movement' on His part? Plainly put ...

{Is our thinking of God's movement in our lives toward 'the next thing' - or toward holiness?}

Let's face it: there's not always going to be a 'next thing'. We see this throughout scripture and in the character/nature of God. If our God is the god of quiet, humble things - it makes sense that the valley/desert/flat-line experiences that force us to wait (or, remain dependent!) are of the utmost value to Him. It's where He does the majority of His surgical work in us, and where we, in turn, do our most growing.

Maybe it's dismantling the worldly idea that Kingdom work is only 'successful' if it's shrouded in glory. Listen - glory and grandeur belong to God, not necessarily our adventures. We are the King's vessels waiting for marching orders, and we must make a pact to not take a moment for granted, even the ones where we wait. What if waiting is the point?

So while we're flipping through metaphorical magazines - we can always come back to one blood-stained, grace-soaked page for growth in the interim:

God, how can I Live well today?

One step in front of the other, hour by hour (moment by moment), one thought, one interaction at a time clarification: Lord, show me how to Live. well.

To Love. To leak Grace (L. Harper). To forgive. To be patient. To be still.
God, train us while we wait.