I was reminded recently why 'arriving' in your 20's (and 30's, and beyond) is like a breath of fresh air. For most, adolescence is that stretch of highway headed west between Las Vegas and Los Angeles - a Mojave desert of fumbling and bumbling awkward, the part of the trip you just want to get through. Weird interactions, mistakes and various regrets, and the repeated strained reach outwards for significance and meaning and social acceptance... 'arrival', whenever that finally occurs, leaves a dust-covered rear-view mirror full of awed bewilderment as to what we've all just come through, with countless experiences and subsequent stories to be told, and a fair share of emotional scarring/growth for most (if not all). Some leave the desert relatively unscathed, and for others it stretches beyond their teen years.
I was reminded of this time, watching a young girl standing unsure of herself amongst the 'in' crowd at a recent youth event. The constant touching/adjusting of hair and clothing, the repeated re-orienting of her posture, stance, and gaze... it may as well have been me at age 13. This silent interaction said something loud, something universal - "I belong! I fit!" as if enough adjusting might finally create something acceptable. It's this place of acceptance that grounds our security, identity, and then ability to be freed of 'self'. All of this is from and for God.
Death to 'self', enables us to get to work {for Him}. Death to self-absorption opens our eyes to the needs of others. This is the beginning, the starting line, of a life of service given over to the King. I'm convinced there is nothing more raw or meaningful than living fully-surrendered to the One who loves and Who sees. It's self-less/God-centered, messy, authentic, grace-filled undeserved-royalty kind of living {wild, endless freedom}.
I felt for her. I'm 27, and this is year one for me leaving crippling insecurity in the rear-view mirror. He'll use everything, including desert seasons {Romans 8:28}, but I can't backtrack, because my anchor is no longer tied to me or old insecurities - it's tied to Him. My security, confidence, hope, identity... my very definition... is rooted in Jesus Christ - in who He is, and in what He has done. He is the simple solution, such a still, small whisper in the world, that I tripped over Him for nearly ten years, caught up in anything and everything
surrounding Him, but not the love or the
point of Him.
Ultimately, what you think about Him and the world will shape your worldview, and by extension - your identity. We must be vigilant and mindful as to whom/what is influencing, shaping, or possibly defining our worldview. If you are young or impressionable, please be particularly mindful. Some of the world's influence is so subtle and insidious, especially via media. In this time and place,
where He has strategically placed you, remember: culture shapes media, and media influences thinking. Hopefully remembering this will help you to combat worldly lies/pressures when they come.
I believe it is an identity-crisis that leads us to believe we are either not beautiful altogether, or "beautiful" by false definitions/standards. What we believe shapes how we see, and reversely how/what we see shapes what we perceive to be "beautiful". The question becomes, what is my identity rooted in, and how does it shape what I perceive to be "beautiful"?
If it is rooted in the world, and in what she claims is beautiful {magazines, models, Vogue, Instagram, Paris/L.A., media, pop-culture, filters, surgery, cosmetics, gyms, diets} or in what "I" {you, me, people} think is beautiful, this is relative thinking. Beauty standards change. What someone might call 'physical beauty' ranges from person to person, and offers no deeper insight into the heart or soul of an individual {more on that later, see part 2}. We serve a God who is far more concerned with the beauty of our hearts and state of our souls, than of passing trends or wrinkles or thigh gaps or whether or not 'they're real'. If He is who He says He is, then His word is the Truth of who we are and of what is truly beautiful {the objective standard}.
"So God created man in his own image, in the image of God he created him; male and female he created them." - - Genesis 1:27 ESV
"Charm is deceitful, and beauty is vain, but a woman who fears the Lord is to be praised."
Proverbs 31:30 ESV
"But the Lord said to Samuel, “Do not look on his appearance or on the height of his stature, because I have rejected him. For the Lord sees not as man sees: man looks on the outward appearance, but the Lord looks on the heart.” - - 1 Samuel 16:7 ESV
"For while bodily training is of some value, godliness is of value in every way, as it holds promise for the present life and also for the life to come." - - 1 Timothy 4:8 ESV
"...what matters is not your outer appearance—the styling of your hair, the jewelry you wear, the cut of your clothes—but your inner disposition.
Cultivate inner beauty, the gentle, gracious kind that God delights in.
The holy women of old were beautiful before God that way, and were good, loyal wives to their husbands. Sarah, for instance, taking care of Abraham, would address him as “my dear husband.” You’ll be true daughters of Sarah if you do the same,
unanxious and unintimidated..." - - 1 Peter 3:1-11 MSG
A daughter defined by her King is humble (not thinking less of herself, but thinking of herself less often {para, quote unknown}):
"Do nothing from rivalry or conceit, but in humility count others more significant than yourselves. Let each of you look not only to his own interests, but also to the interests of others. {Opposite of 'selfie' culture} Have this mind among yourselves, which is yours in Christ Jesus, who, though he was in the form of God, did not count equality with God a thing to be grasped, but made himself nothing, taking the form of a servant, being born in the likeness of men." - - Philippians 2:3-11 ESV
"Likewise, you who are younger, be subject to the elders. Clothe yourselves, all of you,
with humility toward one another, for “God opposes the proud but gives grace to the humble.” - - 1 Peter 5:5 ESV
"The reward for humility and fear of the Lord is riches and honor and life." - - Proverbs 22:4 ESV
I love this part of Colossians so much:
"So if you’re serious about living this new resurrection life with Christ, act like it.
Pursue the things over which Christ presides. Don’t shuffle along, eyes to the ground, absorbed with the things right in front of you.
Look up, and be alert to what is going on around Christ—that’s where the action is.
See things from His perspective.
Your old life is dead. Your new life, which is your real life—even though invisible to spectators—is with Christ in God. He is your life. When Christ (your real life, remember) shows up again on this earth, you’ll show up, too—the real you, the glorious you. Meanwhile,
be content with obscurity, like Christ.
And that means killing off everything connected with that way of death: sexual promiscuity, impurity, lust, doing whatever you feel like whenever you feel like it, and grabbing whatever attracts your fancy.
That’s a life shaped by things and feelings instead of by God. It’s because of this kind of thing that God is about to explode in anger. It wasn’t long ago that you were doing all that stuff and not knowing any better. But you know better now, so make sure it’s all gone for good: bad temper, irritability, meanness, profanity, dirty talk.
Don’t lie to one another. You’re done with that old life. It’s like a filthy set of ill-fitting clothes you’ve stripped off and put in the fire. Now you’re dressed in a new wardrobe.
Every item of your new way of life is custom-made by the Creator, with his label on it. All the old fashions are now obsolete. Words like Jewish and non-Jewish, religious and irreligious, insider and outsider, uncivilized and uncouth, slave and free, mean nothing.
From now on everyone is defined by Christ, everyone is included in Christ.
So, chosen by God for this new life of love, dress in the wardrobe God picked out for you:
compassion, kindness, humility, quiet strength, discipline. Be even-tempered, content with second place, quick to forgive an offense. Forgive as quickly and completely as the Master forgave you.
And regardless of what else you put on, wear love. It’s your basic, all-purpose garment. Never be without it." - - Colossians 3:1-14 MSG
Until Jesus re-oriented my life, any hopes I had, purpose, security, and identity all rested on me and my own understanding of how the world worked - including beauty.
When I look at my old ideas and definitions of beauty compared to what God sees as beautiful from these passages, it's like holding up a faded Polaroid against the featured real-life image itself. Nothing compares, and there's no going back. Bold, vivid colors and transparency compared to faded outlines and misshapen imagery. All I had was false.
God is concerned with the heart, and that on its own is beautiful. The humble God of unchanging Truth, who needs nothing from us, grafts His light into us, patiently walks through fields and thorns with us, ascended a hill to pay a debt He did not owe for us, all the while drawing us to Himself, "you are beloved; you are mine." Where else could I go, Lord; where else would I be apart from You?
