Our then 13 year-old niece, Katie, had been experiencing intense abdominal pain. One by one we were all notified of this, and we prayerfully hoped, against the symptoms, that it wasn't appendicitis.
If only it had been.
Katie's pain was diagnosed as an extremely rare form of kidney cancer.
I don't know about you, but hearing 'cancer' is like instant paralysis. Knowing a loved one has it is like having your insides removed and pulsed through a blender.
Needless to say, shock ripped through our family. I couldn't have imagined this happening to any of our older family members, ones who had lived long, full lives, let alone our beautiful, vibrant, talented, young niece, Katie. I started to question God's goodness.
I have prayed hard before, mostly for stupid stuff, but I've never prayed as fiercely as I prayed for Katie to be healed. Arrogance clouded my discernment; I didn't care what God's plan was, I wanted her to be better. In my eyes, it wasn't right for her to be sick - therefore - she didn't need to be sick anymore.
I was angry with God, and I was afraid.
God remained faithful, though. Looking back, I am continuously surprised and amazed by how quickly that initial shock gave way to prayer - down on your knees, strong, persistent prayer. Our prayers were varying and numerous, sometimes choked out through tears, other times cool and collected, full of trust in God and in His will for Katie's life. Most were optimistic. I admired these kinds of prayers, the kind I didn't have in me. They radiated God's presence in the situation, despite our cracked, feeble attempts at words. The absence of anxiety, at times, was unnerving, but powerful.
Times of crises really do make or break a person. For me, I broke a little. My faith was intact, but parts were chipping off when I sat and thought about it for too long. For Katie, cancer did not break her. It proved more like fire refining gold. Her faith came alive, and it was infectious. I remember while visiting her in the hospital, keeping my eyes focused on this one spot on the floor (like somehow it held me in place), while Katie was totally herself, smiling, joking and laughing with everyone, even referring to her newly nick-named tumor. (Just typing that makes me smile.) She eventually went in for surgery, and we waited for her.
And waited... and waited.
Then, news. Followed by different news, more waiting. Then, new news delivered by faces I don't remember in urgent tones. They had removed the tumor, and found something interesting.
The outer part of Katie's tumor was benign, enveloping a smaller malignant tumor, like a super tumor physically keeping the bad cancer cells from spreading throughout her kidney.
Her scans have been clear for a year now, and I'm learning to have hope in God's sovereignty, not in our earthly circumstances.
Katie's bravery is incredible; so bright that I have to smile and look away. She stood up under the weight of a diagnosis that would make grown men weep, and she did it gracefully, telling us not to worry, because 'God was in control'. I can't help thinking, that the benign tumor holding in the malignant tumor is the perfect metaphor, allowed by God (as much as that scares me), because God wrapped Himself around Katie in that same way, shielding and protecting her from the darkness. He reaps the glory, in all situations, making His name known through her story.
"The LORD Himself goes before you and will be with you; He will never leave you nor forsake you. Do not be afraid; do not be discouraged." - - - Deuteronomy 31:8
(This was the verse I posted for Katie last February. I didn't know then that God had meant it for me too.)
