So I'm still very much so what I'd call an immature Christian; I have a lot of 'walk' left to walk, even though my 'talk' can sound pretty good sometimes (solely God); I'm slowly learning it's all useless without a real relationship with Jesus (not just lip-service to the words) and without giving grace constantly. Like, 'live-like-you're-under-the-LAW-of-grace;-gonna-get-a-ticket-go-to-jail-if-you-don't', kind of grace giving. That's how much; that's how often.
With this being said, there are so many things happening to me right now spiritually that are simply new territory. Some of these things are uplifting and good and easy, while others are the opposite (disguised as flaming arrows? Hmm). This may be a little embarrassing, but I've had a lot of thoughts this week that looked a lot like 'Why is this happening to me?' 'When will it be over?' 'Am I going to pass this test? Is it a test?' 'God, why? I don't get it!' 'I hate feeling like this.' 'I want to do what You want me to do but You're not making it easy!' 'Will you take this away? 'Cause it hurts and I hate it. Thanks.' 'I know logically what You want for me; I know it's best for me, but emotionally I'm not there. Wait, yes I am. I can do this. Aaauuuuh, nope. Nope.'
Childish, eh?
Lesson #1: Even though you have the Holy Spirit in you, even though you belong to God... you're still going to deal with a whole bunch of crap. Arrows, trials, temptations. (Expletive!)
We're not exempt, in fact, we should expect it. It's double duty - we belong to God; God wants to grow and change us to become more Christ-like, so He allows crud to happen to us - AND - we tick off the, errm, 'other side', just by existing, so he's on us too. It feels like a losing battle, my friends, until you remember - Jesus.
Lesson #2: Let go, woman! Stop trying to control everything and realize you have no control, that the universe is utterly out of control. The only person who has control? Jesus. {Can I get a SELAH?}
I apologize if my transparency is ... too transparent. See, I'm dealing with this thing right now. This horrible, annoying, thing, that needs to just go. It's an illusion, right, like it's not real. It's not from or of God, therefore, it doubly needs to go. It's like a pest or a tick... just irksome. And I can't shake it.
Furthermore, God's not shaking it for me. Yet.
So, I'm waiting. Persevering, really. (It's like waiting when the thing you're waiting on/the feeling the 'thing' causes, especially stinks.) But all of the good guys persevered - Peter, Paul, Batman; so I'm in good company. It's interesting, the painful growth, this has all caused. Initially, I reasoned, logically, that my best route would be to escape. Got a problem? For $9.99 you can flee! Seemed sound. But then that cataclysmic Godly way of God doing things interfered. I'm not exaggerating; three entirely separate events/conversations took place this week that told me, deafeningly, that escape isn't an option, like during the sermon this Sunday, when our pastor told us that under pressure, the saints didn't 'get out from under it', they endured it. Waited to see what God was doing in it. Or how a conversation with a friend revealed we all have irrational fears we need to face. Or hearing something semi-shocking that let me know I may not be alone in how I feel right now. Man, there's a lot of grace in my life right now. {It's palpable; I want to hug it!}
So I'm not going to back out, or flee, or try any of the things I've come up with, because people way smarter than me have already come up with the sufficient solution, and that's to stand up under it (in His strength) and endure. Wait. Persevere. Ugh.
If you're also having killer growing pains - I feel ya. And just for laughs, Pat does too: